Draco in King Arthur's Court
by Glitter Girl0588
Summary: What would happen if Draco ended up in King Arthur's court?


King Arthur, Draco, and the Knights of the Round Table  
  
a/n: here's what would happen if Draco Malfoy ends up in King Arthur's court.  
  
  
" Hey look, its a crown!" yelled the ever-not-so-vigilant Crabbe, who wasn't drunk on electric lemonade that  
day.   
"No kidding." said Draco, not impressed.  
"Try it on, Draco." insisted Doyle.  
" Yeah, and show everyone who's king!" he replied, now getting excited.  
Placing the hat on his head, he turned around to check his reflection. But instead of the mirror, he was  
sitting on a high throne, getting fanned by this utterly attractive lady.   
"Yo this is tubular, dude." he commented, stroking his beard. "Whoa, I have a beard. I must be like, 50  
or something."  
"My lord, I would be so grateful if you would be silent." said this lady who was fanning him.  
Draco was speechless. No one had ever told him to do that, much less someone who was servicing him.  
"Yes dear, do shut up. Sir Galahad will be here shortly." agreed the brunette woman with a crown sitting next to him.  
Now Draco had figured it out. He was in King Arthur's court. And he WAS King Arthur. Totally cool! Maybe  
history lessons would kick in now along with his smart-aleck mouth.  
"Hey lady, I am not the one screwing Lancelot, ok?" he retorted." So would ya leave me alone?"  
The woman looked appalled but then surprised. "My lord-" she started.  
"Don't 'my lord' me. I know how you go to his chambers and leave me alone, snoring in my trusty, rusty  
bed. Just cause I'm old 'n ugly don't mean you can go around getting laid! And will you stop fanning me! I'm not  
hot!!!" he yelled.  
"But dear, its summer, and also you do not snore and I do sleep by myself in my own chambers, you know."  
"Oh, so now all of a sudden, you can get smart with me, huh?" asked Draco.  
"Nay, sir, I am just asking you- where did you get this information?" asked the puzzled woman.  
"Well, its in a million books." replied Draco.  
"Now just what is going on here?" asked a tall man stepping through the door.  
Everyone in the room bowed.   
"Hey, he's not the king, I am!" yelled Draco.  
The handwoman who was fanning him whispered quietly," That is the High King, Arthur Pendragon, King  
of Logres and Camelot. Are you drunk, sire? You are only a sovereign lord, a vassal to King Arthur."  
"Then who's the slut standing next to him?" he asked rather loudly.  
"Queen Guenever, sir." replied the maid.  
"Oh, no." he mouthed and turned to the lady beside him, while the royal couple were making their way up  
to the thrones higher up.  
"Who's the girl next to me, then?" asked Draco.  
"Your wife, sir, Lady Pansy, one of the Queen's former ladies-in-waiting."  
At this, Draco turned and apologized to the lady- his wife- beside him.   
She nodded, but her pride was hurt.  
  
"So, tell me how are you doing, Sir Dragonia." said the king, smiling at the queen.  
"Oh, I'm great." Draco turned and asked Guenever quietly," Wanna borrow my little Gucci dress  
tonight for my man Lance?"  
She nodded.  
"Yes, I am terrific too. I have the Holy Grail, a table of fine knights, my Excalibur, my loyal subjects, and my  
love by my side." the king said, smiling at his queen.  
Guenever gave him a cheesy smile and turned to Draco and muttered," BS."  
Draco found this to be a fine resemblance to someone he knew.............  
  
"Hello, Sir Mordred, made any plans to kill Arthur lately?" asked Draco aka Sir Dragonia.  
"What?!" he asked.  
"Oh, right you don't hate him yet, terribly sorry."  
"I hate him all right, just I don't know how to dispose of him."  
"You know what?" asked Draco," In my kingdom, there is a man that goes by the name Lord Voldemort."  
He started to continue but Mordred interrupted," I have never heard of such a name, and he wasn't appointed  
by Arthur as a lord which makes him a fast friend,"  
"Yeah, whatever." said Draco." Anyway, this guy is pure evil and you are just like him. He's always trying to  
kill this one person and always fails. You two have a lot in common."  
Mordred grinned and asked," When can I meet him?''  
"See that might be a problem.............."  
  
"What is that thing sticking out of your scabbard?" asked Sir Dragonia's so called wife.  
"Its a stick, see?" replied Draco. He hadn't realized his wand had also time-traveled along with him.  
"A stick?" she asked, batting her eyelashes.  
"Look lady, we're already married, so ya don't have to flirt." Draco stomped away, annoyed.  
  
Lancelot showed up at court at exactly noon to feast with his court and in his home with his friends. He tried  
to avert his eyes from Guenever but failed. No one noticed this except for Draco and the king, who tried to ignore it.  
Draco wanted to make something of it, but even though that king was old and haggard, he couldn't bear to try to  
destroy him, even though that was basically Draco's nature.   
But he still had to do something. He had already joined forces with Mordred and it was much too late  
to try to back out. They were going to have to go to Camlann. And kill the pigs.  
  
"Yo, there's no running water or toilets here!" protested Draco, turning up his nose in disgust.  
"A pig! Let's kill him!" yelled a guard. But they halted when Draco turned his nose down. He thought   
maybe Mordred was taking the pig business a little too seriously.   
Life was a little bit better for Draco, no homework, although they did a hell of a lot of fighting and jousting  
in Camelot, in Draco's opinion.   
So it just so happens that Sir Dragonia ends up in a joust with Sir Lancelot. Mordred had brought it about.  
He made a pack with Draco. If Lance wins, then they tell Arthur and destroy everything. If Draco wins, then they  
leave him alone for a while. Mordred really didn't see that it was necessary, but that stupid "pig" Sir Dragonia,  
thought that they were doing something bad.  
  
"Oh great, I guess what the strategy is to hit em where the sun don't shine, right?" asked Draco, nervously.  
"No, sire, you must unhorse them first." replied his squire.  
"I know that! Ya think I'm stupid or something?" asked Draco." Don't answer that." He reached for his  
wand which would actually be of some importance to him.   
"Good luck, sir." said the boy.  
"Yeah, whatever."  
"Are you nervous?" persisted the eager boy.  
"Whatdayathink?"  
"Well, then may I grace thy sir with a joke?"   
"Sure whatever." replied Draco.  
"Ok, a man really has to go to the bathroom-"  
"Like Harry!" exclaimed Draco.  
"Excuse me?"   
"Oh go on."  
"Anyway, all of the bathrooms are out of order. So he ends up in a completely different country. In a school. He  
asks them if they can use the bathroom, and they say ok, but only if you recite the alphabet. He agrees and says,' A B C D E F   
G H I J K L M N O..........Q R S T U V WW X Y Z'. The teacher asks, 'Where's your p?" and the man says' Running  
down my leg."  
"HAHHAHHAHAHAHHHHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! Thanks lad, you're a real picker-uper. Ooh, I'm starting to use  
nerdy language." Draco mused.  
  
So, if you read my other story, Harry vs. Draco, you would know that Draco can't fight for his friggin life, so   
of course he loses and they set out to tell King Arthur to accuse Guenever.  
"You think I don't know?" he asks.  
"Well, no- but- i mean-" stuttered Mordred.  
  
They leave because Arthur looks like he could sic a couple million pigs on them. However, Mordred and Draco  
get into a fight, because they are both really stupid brutes who can't do anything. 'Sir Dragonia' remembers his squire's  
joke and starts to pee on Mordred. He didn't even know that Mordred was allergic to pee. And that he coughs hysterically  
and can't breathe.  
Suddenly Mordred whips out a wand and so does Draco.   
"Hey you're a bloody wizard!" exclaimed Mordred.  
"Hey, I'm not bloody!!!" protested Draco, yelling," Avada Kareva!"  
Mordred drops to the ground, almost dead because Draco said the spell wrong. He reaches for Mordred's sword  
and POOF!   
  
"Hey Draco, where did you go?" asked Crabbe.   
"I know, you've been gone a whole five minutes!" informed Doyle.  
"And did you bring us anything?" they asked.  
"Yes I did." said Draco surprising himself.  
"Well?"  
"A joke. One day this man really had to go to the bathroom....."  
  
The End  
  
r/r please!!! 


End file.
